He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
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I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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