You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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