Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize