wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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