I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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