he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
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Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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