I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
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You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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