i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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