So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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