oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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