So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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