It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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