So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize