My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize