i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize