I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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