dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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