Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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