I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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