Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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