the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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