So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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