Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I love you.
Bad choice
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