finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize