end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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