If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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