The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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