My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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