my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i may or may not be watching the land before time
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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