he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize