dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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