So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
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Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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