i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize