I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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