Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize