All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize