I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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