when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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