I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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