Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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