Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont lie about slip and slides
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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