i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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