I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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