things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize