but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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