She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize