don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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