I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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