Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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