Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
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I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
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You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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